NASA on Aliens and Bitcoin

14 DECEMBER 2017

The interstellar visitor, Oumuamua, was first spotted over Hawaii on October 18th.

In the Hawaiian language, Oumuamua means "a messenger from afar arriving first".

Unlike other comets which have an elliptic orbit around the sun, this one does not. It orbits around something else that is not from our star system, as we know it. Scientists estimate that there could be 10,000 such interstellar objects whizzing around at any point in time in the solar system.

Oumuamua is about 400 metres wide and about 4 km long. Travelling at 44km per second, it will beat the planned bullet train between Ahmedabad and Mumbai and take less than 2 minutes to cover the distance.

By contrast, the earth travels at 30 km per second in its orbit around the sun.

A USD 100 million project, Breakthrough Listen, funded by Russian billionaire Yuri Milner, is led by Stephen Hawking and is tracking Oumuamua for signals to see if there is evidence of any life - of any kind.

  • As Express.co.uk writes: "During an episode of Discovery Channel TV special Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking he said: "Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they could reach.

    "If so, it makes sense for them to exploit each new planet for material to build more spaceships so they could move on. Who knows what the limits would be?

    "We don't know much about aliens, but we know about humans. If you look at history, contact between humans and less intelligent organisms have often been disastrous from their point of view, and encounters between civilizations with advanced versus primitive technologies have gone badly for the less advanced.

    "A civilization reading one of our messages could be billions of years ahead of us. If so, they will be vastly more powerful, and may not see us as any more valuable than we see bacteria."

Separately, NASA has announced breakthroughs in planet-hunting using artificial intelligence. On Thursday, December 14th, NASA plans to host a press conference. I don't think the two are unrelated.

Just as I don't believe that LIC's purchase of stocks (more than doubled in the past one year) is unrelated of the government's desire to meet a fiscal deficit target by selling shares - and it so happens that LIC is the only buyer.

The only coincidence is that the old UTI and LIC both have a 3-alphabet name.

And we know what happened to the old UTI....

NASA has the proof!

This is what I think NASA will announce.

"Members of the human race, Man has often wondered if there is life on other planets, if there are any other life forms that could be friend or foe to our race.

Oure recent studies of the radio signals emitting from the cigar-shaped Oumuamua that passed by planet earth reveal some very disturbing facts that we felt we need to share with you. We did use the Google artificial intelligence so we are not sure if the results were influenced by tweaks in algorithms. There may or may not have been any payment made by advertisers from the interstellar world to influence the outcome. The European Commission will evaluate that separately.

While orbiting earth, the asteroid acted like a charging station. It sent strong signals to what we think are transplanted species that have been living on planet earth, amongst us, and yet behaving - to borrow a phrase from the USA Immigration authorities - like "non-resident aliens". The Google software was unable to decipher why a green card from the US is actually blue in colour. Therefore, it could not make any judgements on the colour of life forms of the crew handling the cigar-shaped asteroid.

Based on our findings, we have submitted the list to Interpol to issue a global red alert against these individuals. For reasons that will soon be obvious, we have not briefed the President of the United States.

Strong signals emanated from the cigar rock to The White House. While there has always been suspicion about the occupants of the Oval Office who adorn themselves with the title of Most Powerful Person on Planet Earth, the interpretation of the signals sent suggest that the support for the actions of this President are very high. We don't know whether this suggests that the cigar rock is a Republican or a Democrat - or whether they are happy that this President believes that climate change is a lie and, by extension, this will cause Planet Earth to self-destruct sooner than the natural progression of time and gravity as explained in the Big Bang Theory suggests.

We have noted that there was a particularly elongated signal wavelength - which, in our view suggests a cheer and loud applause - that was aimed at the power centres of China and North Korea. Our signal analysts suggest that the overt and covert operations of China in ensuring that North Korea remains a threat to the world - and never being blamed for it by any section of the media or being sanctioned by any government for breeding such a clear and present danger - was seen by the cigar rock as a clear victory of a strategy to bring chaos to our world without the alien life form firing a single bullet.

When passing over Russia, the signals were of disapproval: like a disappointed school teacher ticking off a promising young student. The potential for damage to the world order was much more than what the Russians have achieved. The signals from Oumuamua suggest that the leadership there has been more a threat in the media, in the fake news, than in the real world. There was disappointment that a country which was so powerful in the decades before has ceded its disruptive power to the southern neighbor of China. Presidents riding bare-chested on horseback do nothing for world chaos.

The signals over India were punctuated with irony. The cigar rock seemed to suggest that a country that digs 5,000 years into its past to figure out who was born on a particular spot of land - and decides economic policy on the basis of which caste a person belongs to or which god a person prays to - must be in a slow decay. A few handouts of an upgrade by a rating agency or some Big Leap in an ease of doing business index will do little to stem the erosion but can add humour to an otherwise dismal outlook. The signals suggested that if the cigar rock knew that all it takes to destroy a country were the creation of politicians (across political parties) whose only focus is the money they can make for themselves, the time and effort on Destroy Planet Earth could have been minimized. Arming rogue nations and building a whole character of stern looking North Koreans costs money. It would have been a slower death for Planet Earth, but as effective just to replicate the Indian politician. The captains of the cigar rock could have visited other galaxies and better spent their time overseeing the destruction of those galaxies.

Yes, my fellow earthlings, these messages confirm the fact that not only is there a species that controls the cigar rock, but there are other galaxies inhabited by other species.

Money makes the world go down.

The signals from cigar rock suggest that they control our financial system.

Their crew went into chuckles and uncontrollable guffaws when switching to recharging the wavelengths that reached the brains of the central bankers.

The delight of the crew on Oumuamua at creating a financial bubble was obvious. Our interpretation is that the central bankers, who have kept interest rates at near-zero for nearly a decade and removed the long-standing relationship between risk and return do, indeed belong to another species from a galaxy. Their DNA may reveal that.

However, the end objective of creating chaos on Planet Earth is identical to that of the political class, their methodology and approach is different.

But the strangest sound - which we interpret as akin to hysterical laughter of a cackle of hyenas - was reserved for a group of individuals who have recently been transplanted to our beloved Planet Earth. We are not at liberty to tell you what exactly was said but, suffice it to say, any such earthly form of language would have had the individuals removed from any office of power or influence and sent directly to a mental asylum on cigar rock.

Yes, the signals suggest that sometimes an alien placed on Planet Earth is wired wrongly and ends up as an embarrassment to the manufacturers. Rather than waiting for any accidents to happen before recalling the bad product (as is the current practice amongst manufacturers of many products on Planet Earth), the captains of cigar rock zap out the individuals pretty quickly. They maintain strict quality control much like those adopted by some dictatorial regimes on Planet Earth.

The signals from Oumuamua suggest that bitcoin is the most hilarious scam that they have ever planted (in error) on Planet Earth.

At least you could see the tulips of the Tulip Bubble.

At least you could see the products of the companies that were a part of the Nifty Fifty or the Internet Bubble....

But bitcoin?

Anyone seen a coin with a B on it?

The signals suggested long lengths of unfettered laughter.

There was some discussion to hold back on eliminating the tragedy act being played out by the political class and the central bankers on Planet Earth to add some humour to the lives of the captains and crew of cigar rock. Travelling through time and empty space tracking planted aliens in different solar systems may seem like fun when you first volunteer but it's still dark comedy - like the slogan: "Join the Army. See the World."

Bitcoin is funny; it is so funny you could die laughing.

Block chain, the alien signals said, is like having a code to a locker box.

Imagine your bank locker.

You wish to open it, you have a key and the banker in your branch has a key. You both turn the key and the locker opens.

That was the old system.

Now the banker says I don't want to keep the key anymore.

I want other people to confirm you are who you are.

So the banker takes his key and breaks it up into a hundred pieces.

And gives it to100 unknown people to each hold a part of that key.

So, you have your key - and now a hundred other people have parts of that one key.

When you wish to unlock your locker, you insert your key - and have to wait for one hundred other people to put together the small individual parts of the key that they each own and make it into one key.

That same one key which was individually held by that one banker in that one branch is now being confirmed by 100 people.

That is block chain: the ability to break up the responsibility of that one banker to 100 unknown people.

You are now supposedly more secure because no one person owns the other key needed to open the locker.

These green activists think they can prevent climate change.

The amount of power used by 100 people to confirm your key is probably 1,000,000 times the amount of power it would have taken that banker to walk down the stairs into the locker, switch on the light and then allow you to rummage through your locker.

Bitcoin, based on analysis by PowerCompare.uk used 0.13% of the world's energy. And Bitcoin accounts for maybe 0.03% (or less) of the world's stock of wealth today. If Bitcoin or any crypto currency was to use block chain in its present form to verify the second key, the second part of confirming the transaction, the earth would be a giant lighter for the crew of the cigar-shaped rock to light their cigarettes.

Bitcoin or Bigcon?

It is not up to NASA to delve into financial matters: that is not our area of expertise. But, given that the financial system is so spaced out - and armed with the analysis of the signals exchanged on cigar rock - we feel we need to step in and share what we heard.

So we got the block chain part.

Now let's discuss bitcoin.

I got the banker to open the locker with his key and my key.

The banker is made redundant and there are 100 other machines confirming the 2nd key to match my key. So now I have the locker open.

What is in the locker?

Only I know that.

I could have kept empty sheets of paper: worthless

I could have kept a stash of gold: worth a lot.

I could have kept a pile of the old Rs 500 notes which is, as we know, worth a pile of manure. Or less.

So I decide to tell you that there is something in my locker.

There will be a limited supply of 21 million of them (number stated by Bitcoin).

Today, there are 16.4 million of them "mined" and in existence.

I don't tell you what that something is.

Because, frankly, there is no something.

The bitcoin is not backed against gold.

It is not backed against any hard property.

It is backed by the promise that there will only be 21 million of them.

And if you discover them, they are yours.

And you can do what you wish to with it.

You can pretend it is a medium of exchange and start transacting with others who believe the same.

You can believe it is a safe place to hide your black money.

But it is a locker with 21 million pieces of paper.

Of empty paper.

In digital form.

The tulips had colours.

They had a fragrance.

The bubble internet companies had a product you could buy, use, touch...

The crew on Oumuamua are all having a hearty laugh.

They have their lockers to store their stuff and they are getting ready to jam the internet with their own version of crypto currencies.

The captains are nervous: there is near mutiny on the asteroid.

The captains want to move on to the next planet to observe the intensity of destruction there.

The crew wants to make money.

Who knows, bitcoin may burn a deep hole in your pockets but the greed of the crew of Oumuamua to launch their own crypto currencies may stall the destruction of the world and save us - till the North Koreans and their Chinese sponsors decide to launch their next missile!

With that, ladies and gentlemen, we end the NASA briefing.

Sorry, we are not taking any questions.

Our staff, including us senior officers, have resigned to launch their own crypto currencies!

We used to believe P. T. Barnum that there was "a sucker born every minute".

Now we know there is a sucker being mined every micro-second and we want in on the money-making racket! The crypto we are launching will be called MuaMua."


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